Lost to Her
by Rosa Cotton
Summary: Never could Wendy imagine that during the course of one dance she would experience such delight, love, hope, and heartache... *Prequel to "To Lose Her"*


Disclaimer: _Peter Pan_, all characters, places, and related terms belong to J.M. Barrie, and Universal Pictures, Columbia Pictures, and Revolution Studios.

Author's Note: This is a prequel to _To__ Lose Her_. Feedback is welcomed!

Lost to Her

Wendy quickly jumps up from the ground and follows the boys and Indians outside the tepee. However, she does not go toward the huge bonfire where celebrating is beginning. Instead she wanders to the edge of the clearing, peering into the dark forest, looking for Peter.

She had been engrossed watching the medicine woman fix Michael's bear when for some reason she lifted her eyes up to discover Peter staring at her with a teasing sparkle in his dancing eyes. _Come away with me_, she could clearly read the entreating message in his eyes. She had quickly looked away, returning her attention to the woman and Tiger Lily. Sometime later when she dared look about again, Peter was gone.

Now she wonders where he has gotten off to and what he wants to show her. "Peter?" she calls softly rounding a tree and stops, startled, for there he is in a sea of huge leaves! He holds a finger to his lips and beckons to her before disappearing under the leaves. Curious, Wendy immediately plunges into the sea of plants in pursuit, nothing but green opening up before her. "Peter?" A yelp of surprise escapes her lips as she is pulled down by Peter and hits the ground. She is stunned for a moment but quickly crawls after Peter who half-pauses, allowing her to come alongside him. He gives her a reassuring smile and then leads her on. Wendy wonders at the pleased, smug light she saw in his eyes, but she forgets all about him when she comes to the edge of the green sea. A ways before her is a huge oak tree surrounded by a rain of fairy dust as dozens of fairies fly inside, filling the trunk with a pale golden light.

Wendy gasps silently, delight and awe welling up in her at the sight before her. She is brought back to her surroundings when Peter accidentally brushes against her shoulder; she turns to him with a smile, which he returns. She observes the fairies some more, wishing she could see them closer, when she feels Peter take her hand. She looks down at their joined hands, then up at Peter, who looks at her a little uncertainly before smiling, almost shyly. She does not resist when he pulls her to her feet and they lift into the air. Her heart begins to race with excitement as she realizes they are flying toward the tree; yet then caution falls over her. Is it all right for her and Peter to observe the fairies? Will the fairies look upon her, a strange girl, as unfavorably as Tinkerbell does? Becoming fearful, Wendy looks to Peter, tempted to request they turn back. She discovers Peter already watching her growing unease. One corner of his mouth turns up ever so slightly, and his eyes sparkle: _trust me_. She sighs – of course she trusts him. How can she not? At seeing her accepting nod, Peter squeezes her hand.

Soon they reach the tree, and Wendy peers through one of the holes in the trunk to discover inside dozens of fairies, dancing slowly and gracefully. Her doubts and fears forgotten, a pleasant smile spreads across Wendy's face as she watches the small creatures. She notices in the center one of the couples seems more richly dressed than the others: the girl is dressed in a flowing white gown, while the boy is completely dressed in gold. _Perhaps it is a wedding_, Wendy muses to herself.

The smile fads a bit as Wendy senses she is being watched. She looks over at Peter beside her, but he is watching the fairies just as intently as she was. Her eyes linger on him thoughtfully for a moment, then shrugging a bit she returns her gaze to the dance for a while. Once again she is sure she is being watched. She raises her head once more to find Peter studying her, not turning away this time. A wave of warmth fills her body at the smile Peter gives her, and she returns it.

For a moment she is puzzled as Peter steps away from the tree and turns to her, waiting. She climbs to her feet and stands before him. Their eyes meet. Gallantly he bows, not releasing her gaze. She curtsies beautifully in return, a smile on her face as she understands. Peter raises one of his hands, and Wendy slowly slides hers into his. She then rests her other hand on his shoulder lightly. She trembles when Peter wraps his arm around her waist; never has she been in such a position before. Slowly, a little uncertainly, they move from side to side, circling. Wendy watches as a confident light comes in Peter's eyes, and he smiles. She half-gasps when, unexpectedly, Peter gently pushes her into the air and comes after her, catching her and drawing her next to his body. A thrill races through Wendy at this unfamiliar contact, and her heart sprouts wings and soars away.

A rain of fairy dust circles around the two children as the fairies come forth from the tree and continue their dance in the clearing. Wendy is barely aware of the falling gold or of the tiny creatures flying about or of her and Peter spinning on and on, rising higher and higher. She is lost in the blue pools of Peter's eyes, stunned by the tenderness of his gaze; and as she seems to swim even deeper into their depths, an emotion she has never encountered before arises. She is unaware of the softness in her own eyes which Peter sees. She only knows she does not want this end, ever.

She silently continues gazing at Peter, though he looks about, realizing the fairies have all suddenly departed. The spell over him is broken, and he turns to her, trying to understand.

"Wendy," he says hesitantly.

The sound of his voice manages to slightly break the spell over Wendy, and she blinks at him blankly, returning to earth, her previous thoughts and feelings becoming a distant memory, a melody to her mind; and her heart settles back in her chest. She takes in Peter's face, and her smile cracks.

Peter continues, "It's only make-believe, isn't it?" He pauses, his throat suddenly dry, and then presses on. "That…you and I are…" he trails off, searching her face.

Wendy, understanding, attempts to appear cheerful. "Oh…yes," she answers lightly, assuring him. But her heart sinks, and she realizes she is perhaps mistaken about what she saw in Peter's eyes before. She turns her face away from him lest he see how troubled she is, and she dejectedly floats down toward the ground. Peter, however, floats so he is facing her, his face also troubled, though not exactly for the same reasons as Wendy's.

"Wendy…you see…it'd make me seem so old to be a real father," he tries to reason.

Yet Wendy remains downcast and does not lift her eyes until her feet are back on the ground. She takes a step towards him. "Peter…" she says slowly, "what are your real…feelings?" She needs to know the truth, if what just happened was only her imagination, or if what she saw was real, if Peter is being truly honest.

"Feelings?" Peter repeats nervously, slowly backing away while Wendy follows.

"What do you feel?" She watches him closely as his eyes dart about. She tries to help him be open. "Happiness? Sadness? Jealousy?" She sees his eyes light up and she pauses.

"Jealousy? Tink," he puts a name with the emotion.

Wendy sighs to herself; she is starting to get somewhere. "Anger?" she goes on.

"Anger…"

Both hear the snap of a twig, alerting them that they may not be alone. Wendy's heart skips a beat, and Peter has his dagger before him in an instant as he peers about them, searching for the source of the noise. But the clearing is silent once more.

"Hook," Peter finishes the thought.

"Love?" Wendy nearly whispers.

Peter turns to her, his face a mix of disgust, fright, and doubt. "Love?"

"Love," Wendy repeats simply, waiting anxiously.

Peter raises his head, his face now blank, and says without emotion, "I have never heard of it." Gracefully he puts away his dagger.

Wendy feels slightly irritated at the wall Peter puts between them; he is frightened, that at least she knows certainly. She speaks calmly. "I think you have, Peter. I dare say you felt it yourself for something or…" she drops her gaze before finishing, "someone." She feels her heart will burst, caught between hope and despair. She knows what she felt and thinks she knows Peter's heart as well, but now she is starting to feel uncertain. Maybe she is wrong. And yet…

"Never," the word is practically hissed into her ear. Wendy looks up as Peter pulls back slightly and steadily meets her gaze. "Even the sound of it offends me," he says softly.

"Peter…" she starts sadly, taking a step forward and brings up her hand to touch his face, but now he will not have her near and jumps back, putting some distance between them.

"Why do you spoil everything?" he asks loudly as Wendy rushes after him. "We have fun, don't we? I taught you to fight and to fly! What more could there be?"

"There is so much more!" Wendy answers brokenly, tears beginning to form in her eyes as she stares at him.

"What?" Peter leans towards her, his eyes full of anguish, causing Wendy's heart to break. "_What else is there?!_" he demands desperately, moisture welling up in his own.

Wendy wants to take the boy into her arms, reassure him, comfort him, lay his fears to rest, and answer his questions. Yet she herself does not know all the answers…she cannot put what she feels in her heart into words. She does not know just what she wants – just as Peter does not know what he wants.

"I don't know!" Her cheeks begin to burn, and a huge lump forms in her throat. She searches for words. "I think it becomes clearer when you grow up."

Peter steps closer, his anguish replaced with hatred. "Well, I will _not_ grow up," he answers fiercely, his eyes flashing, "you cannot make me! I'll banish you like Tinkerbell!"

"I will not be banished!" Wendy shouts, anger rising up in her as she refuses to back down from Peter.

Peter glowers at her before turning away and runs off. "Then go home. Go home and grow up! And take your feelings with you!!!" he shouts before rising into the air and disappearing from Wendy's sight. She chases after him.

"Peter! Peter, come back! _Peter!!!!_" Wendy calls after him, but he is already gone, and she knows her shouts are in vain.

Blindly she races through the forest back to the little house which the Lost Boys built for her, hot tears streaming down her face. Upon entering, she casts herself on the floor and burst into uncontrollable, wrenching sobs. Her heart lies at her feet in a million pieces.

She had been wrong about Peter…completely wrong. He does not feel as she had suspected and hoped; he has no feelings beside anger. He could not stand to hear how _she_ felt…towards him. Her dreams are destroyed. How could she have ever thought a special, magical boy like him could feel such a way? She and Peter can never be…

Unable to finish the thought, Wendy buries her face in her arms and cries until she falls asleep.

THE END


End file.
